Subtitles to “a christmas story”

Subtitles to “a christmas story

Does this look like a holiday video?
How bout now?
Happy holidays everybody!
So I was kicking around some holiday video ideas and it turns out that nothing funny has ever happened to me during the holidays.
Not even a little bit.
But I do have a story that is related to the holidays that you all might find interesting, and that is the story about my scar.
As some of you may or may or may not know, I have a scar on my chin, right here.
Do an extreme closeup.
I don’t know if you guys can see it, but I can, so right there.
How that happened was:
T’was the night before Christmas, and all through the house, everyone was stirring, especially a five year old girl named Catie.
[Five year old Catie:] “baaaaah”
So the tradition in my house is that we can open up one present on Christmas Eve. It’s usually pajamas so that we can sleep nice and cozy and fuzzy while we’re waiting for Santa.
So we had just finished opening presents, and I was all hyped up on Christmas Eve, and just all excited. Keep in mind, I was about five.
And I really, more than anything at that moment, I really wanted a cookie.
And there was some sound reasoning to it in my five year old brain. Like it wasn’t like I was just like, “I want a cookie.” It wasn’t like that. It was like, I walked up to my mom and I said,
“Mommy, because Santa Claus gets all kinds of different cookies tonight, then can I please have just one cookie?”
Now I know what you all are thinking. “Awwwwwwwwwww” I know, I know, I was just so cute, like gawww.
My mom was like, “Oh sure sweetheart.”
So there I go, bounding through the house, just all super excited about getting a cookie. But then in my path in the hallway, was an open drawer. It was a sideboard with just one little skinny drawer that was about up to *here* at the time, just below my neck at the time. So it was pretty low, I was a short kid. I’m still short.
The thought process here was that I didn’t need to stop and close the drawer, and then continue running. I am, was, is, whatever, very flexible.
[ta-daaaa]
That means that I am an exceptional limboer. So the thought in my head was, “NO no, I don’t need to close this thing. I can just run and limbo under this thing.”
So what happened, I’m sure you can imagine, I was just running, running, I was going to go, and I was limboing, and the *smack* just right in my face. I fell to the ground and I sat back up. I didn’t even realize I had really hurt myself. I was just sort of like, “mwwah”
And my mother said, “OH MY GOD YOUR FACE!”
And turns out that I had a nice little gash on my chin.
I started crying, and I got my cookie, had a bandaid.
And you know, it’s interesting, I have this scar but not too many people notice it.
And then when they do, they’re just sortof like, “Oh, you have a scar.”
Alright, and there’s the story of how I got my scar, and I just shared it all with you.
I hope that this video was a nice little, holiday business. Do you like this? I stole it from 3v3.
I wish everyone to have the happiest of holidays, the best of winter breaks, and I will be seeing you around. [points fingers] Weeeeeeee. What am I doing?

Subtitles to “Hey, make more videos” bus ride vlog-style video

Subtitiles to “the truth about vanity car mirrors” Special thanks to Mizugorou for transcribing this.

Oh, what’s this now? What could this possibly be? Could it possibly be a slightly upgraded shitty webcam?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it could be. Yeah, yeah, it is. So this is my new Mac webcam. It’s infinitely better than my old Toshiba webcam, so this is where my boring vlogs are gonna be from now on. Now, I say boring vlogs very specifically to me because when I make a video I try my very best to make it an interesting story or, you know, a skit or something and admittedly it doesn’t always work but I try, you know. I think it’s better than you know just making a habit out of sitting down in front of the webcam and being like “Well today I had a waffle for breakfast and then I went to the mall and there was this guy there and he was really really cute, but I didn’t talk to him or like get his number or anything cause that’d be crazy. But I totally looked at him and that was awesome”. Like, I don’t know, like to even imply that anyone gives a shit I think it’s vain and concieted so, you know, that’s hard for me, but I don’t want to let you guys down, so I did my very best to come up with the most interesting story that I could think of that’s happened to me as of late.
It’s really kinda more like a fun fact about myself, so let’s give it a try I guess. So I had this sort of weird phobia / anxiety about public transportation, because the majority of my life my mother drove me around and then you know I got my license so I can drive myself around but I never had my own car – I still don’t – and so when I started going to college out of high school; when I lived in the Sacramento area, I had to take the bus and the thing about buses is that, the bus drivers, ok bless their hearts, they they’re very particular because you know they’ve done these bus routes you know a thousand times, they do it all day every day and so they know what they’re doing and so when you get on their bus they expect you to know what you’re doing, but if you’re a first time bus rider you might not know what you’re doing because you have all of these things that they expect you to know like: how much to pay on that particular bus, when to get off, where you’re going, when you have to switch buses, what their what the end of their line is, you know things like that that you just might not know if you were never in a bus before and so it’s completely understandable, because they’ve done it a million times where they might, you know, be a little bit particular, but if you don’t know what you’re doing you’re
holding up their frikkin bus route man! It’s just, you know, so like I said, it’s explainable, but then I had these like anxietiy attacks when I go on to the bus and I give them two dollars and go to sit down and they’re like “It’s four dollars!” and I’m like “Oh god, I’m so sorry, it’s two dollars on the other bus” like, you know, it’s just like sad and so yeah that’s why that is so I still go to school but I still don’t have my own car like I said and so I take the bus and the other day I was going to the bus stop to go home and I saw it just making it to it’s bus stop and so I started running and you know I totally twisted my ankle but I kept going cause I’m a trooper ok and so but I just want to make this clear you guys I caught the bus ok I totally caught it!
It wasn’t like one of those scenarios in like a movie or cartoon where like the kid is like running to the bus stop and he’s like “Hey wait you guys! I didn’t miss it, I’m here!”. No it wasn’t like that. The bus was stationary and I was there being stationary with it, I totally caught it, ok? Ok.  So there, you know, like I said, it was the go- it’s the the go home bus and so there was a whole bunch of people going onto the back with like their clipper cards or something so lame and I could have snuck onto the bus with them but I didn’t because I’m a good person. I went to the front of the bus to pay my one dollar so there was two people in front of me and so they got onto the bus paid their you know money and then went in to sat down- to sit down hurr to sit down and so and so then I went to go I step onto the bus and then the bus lady just looked at me and closed the fucking door – she just closed it you guys! – and and that bus doesn’t- it only comes every once in a while, every 30 minutes or something like that and so I’m sitting in this freezing cold San Francisco weather like with no proper jacket cause I’m dumb cause I always wear cardigans everywhere because
this lady didn’t like I don’t know like my big front teeth or something and so you know I was just I mean I guess I was kinda good cause I was able to like read my book but the bus ride is like an hour anyway so I could have read it on the bus but instead I was freezing you know like I had to tell my friends “I’m not gonna make it to the beach” and they’re like “How long?” and i’m like “At least one hour and a half
depending on traffic” they’re like “Waaah”. So yeah, that’s that and I’m really sorry that it wasn’t as interesting as I’m sure you hoped it would be but I’ll try really hard to do better next time, I promise. I hope this wasn’t as awkward for you as it was for me. I’m sorry. I love you. Byyye.

Subtitles to “The truth about vanity car mirrors”

Subtitiles to “the truth about vanity car mirrors”  Special thanks to Mizugorou for transcribing this.

Why hello there! Today we’re gonna talk about something incredibly serious business: car mirrors.

And I know some of you are going “Oh hey Catie, what’s so serious business about car mirrors?” Well I’ll tell you what’s so serious business about car mirrors: they’re from the devil, OK?

And I know this because I take my little sister to school sometimes and my classes starts thirty minutes after hers do and so I’m sitting in the parking lot going all “Oh what do I do with all this free time?” and I decided that I would put on make-up and that was a bad decision because those car mirrors enhance everything wrong with you.

And I mean everyone, this is everyone. I have ne[ver]- like, I discovered this many years ago but it’s only really started affecting me, very recently because I have to do my make-up in this little fucking ugly car mirror every single day and it, it’s just, it’s just as awful you know cause in reality it’s like you look like this, but then you open those car mirrors and you look like this:

HOLY SHIT! I look like an Oompa Loompa. Oh I need to get some sleep. OMG I need to get my eyebrows done. OMG why are my lips so gray ugh! It’s like I have a disease. I thought I put on lipstick. OMG I swear I was more precise than that. Oh god, oh WTF OMG I got a crowsfeet. What the hell is going on! Why am I so orange! OMG that is so much blood. OMG my neck is a completely different color than my face, it’s like I’m wearing a mask! Jesus Catie, have you ever heard of blending! What’s going on with my hair! Why it is so greasy, I washed it this morning! What are those black things on my nose and cheeks are those… are those my pores? WTF! I didn’t know I had such huge pores! Oh why it’s all this news coming to me today!?

I know, isn’t that awful? But don’t worry, don’t trust it. Trust whatever mirror that you did your make-up in at home, trust, you know, or did your hair for guys. And guys, this totally counts for you too because if you’re not wearing make-up, God help you! God help you! Your self-esteem will be non-existent. It’s like the worst thing that could ever happen ever!  So, don’t look at those car mirrors, especially if like you’re having a good day like you’re feeling good about yourself, you’re like “Aw yeah it is a good day I’m just gonna make sure my hair still looks OK”. So pop open that car mirror – NO! Don’t do it! It will ruin your day! And I just- I just want to get this message out there to don’t use the car mirrors unless you’re prepared for looking like shit. Because- but you don’t really look like shit. Because if you really looked like the way that those mirrors make you look people would be like looking at you like WTF is going on with that person’s face? Like WTF? But they’re not because you look beautiful. You’re just gorgeous, OK? So don’t trust the car mirrors! It’s very important. This means a lot to me *sigh* OK *sigh*. I’m glad I got that out of my system.

Subtitles for “Foar Pocky Frum Boxxy”

Subtitles to “Foar Pocky Frum Boxxy

Ok hi.  My name is Boxxy
And um today it is Valentime’s day yay!
Um and I just wanted to make a special video for my Valentine
and uh this – my Valentine this year is just the love of my life and cream in my coffee. And just th- pe- someone that I have loved since I was very small.
Pocky. uh But I bet I was misdirecting you just then.
Um, yeah. But my Valentine this year is Pocky. And um, it’s because uh, we have known each other since we were like {this big}. And um, and and and we’ve been best friends, um, since, you know – since since since since forever.
And and and we were always best friends from the very second, like there was never a time where it was like we were just friends, and then maybe better friends, and good friends, and then best friends.
No, it was like, the second we met each other, it was like [smack] BAM, best friends!

And um, she even, she even helped me pick out uh this shirt, uh for Valentine’s day
uh because I don’t, I I don’t know how to dress myself.
And um, and and so, and she helped me pick it out and we went shopping together.
And and that’s the greatest thing about having a best friend, is that no matter,
no matter what, if you could, you could be doing, you could be like, you know, skydiving,
or like, you know swimming, or just sitting around, and talking and chit-chatting
no matter what, you will have the best time of your life.
And and and that and that is makes best friends so special and I hope that everyone has the best friend that I do, and that it’s like, i- it’s like th- they never, they will never let you feel alone, and or unwanted, and and th- it’s just, it’s just irreplaceable. JUST IRREPLACEABLE that feeling.
And and it’s just it’s just the greatest most warmy fuzziest feeling in the entire world like uh
And and and uh it’s just so great um when we like when we hang out and it’s like, it’s like
JOKE! and it’s like JOKE and it’s like hahaha only it’s like real laughter.
Um eh bu, yeah cuz it’s like, I could like, we like call each other and she’s like
“Hey how are you?” And I’m like “Hey I’m fine, I love you.” And she’s like, “I love you too.
How what’s been going on?” And I’m like, “Nothing, I just got a new phone, it kinda looks like a hang-loose sign.”
And um, it-i-and and it’s like, you know, we, we, she, she teaches me, um lots of uh tricks
about like how to do my hair and stuff. And um, like, we we draw all the time, and um, we’re like we’re like, such hardcore bosses at Mario Party. Like there’s no, there’s no team like our team.
And and and we will annihilate you. And if you wanna be all like, “Well I wanna do Mario Party against you and Pocky.” And we’re all, we- we’ll be like, “Challenge accepted.” Because because there is, no one can beat us. We are amazing. And and and it’s it’s it’s like this unstoppable force of best-friendy love. And and and that’s that’s yeah. That’s why she’s my Valentine this year.
And every year. Because I love her so much. And I hope that there is never a day where I feel like I am without her because I love you so much Pocky. I hope that you know that. Because, because that I would feel like so sad if you didn’t know that. I would be all like… tear. And my face would be all stretched out like this and everything. It was so sad. But it’s not like that, because because you do, and we, and we love each other so much and so and so I love you Pocky, I love you.
Rawr-rarwr-rawr-rawr-rawr! I love you so much and I hope everyone has a wonderful Valentime day.
Byeeeee!

Meet 3v3 (Eve)

Here it is.

Here Catie is introducing a new one of her characters, 3v3 (pronounced “Eve”). She announced that she (3v3, not Boxxy), has been and will be singing for Little Kinky.

Hi guys, it’s Eve!

I just wanted to check in with you guys to let you in on some pretty exciting developments.

So I was checking in with the buzz about Boxxy singing with my really great friends Little Kinky.

And, unfortunately, after much discussion, we decided that I was a much better fit for them. And you know besides, really, Boxxy probably can’t sing that well anyways, right? *laugh*

So anyways, uh, this is so fantastic. I’ve already been there a few times to record some songs and they came out so great and I’m actually at the airport right now to go record some more!

Isn’t that so fantastic?

So, I, of course my fans already knew about this but I just wanted to let you Boxxy fans know and, um, anyways I hope you all love it as much as I do!

Ciao!

Condensed versions of Boxxy videos

Condensed versions of Boxxy videos:

Foar Everywun frum Boxxy condensed into 3 minutes and subtitles added:

(Original here) (full captions/subtitles)

In November 2011 I also did the same thing with “Foar Addi” (Link to youtube video). I left it unlisted in Youtube because I don’t care for how it seems to have ruined the Boxxiness.

Foar Svetlana frum Boxxy condensed into 90 seconds by Vendercraft:

(Original here) (full captions / subtitles)

Subtitles to FOAR LITTLE KINKY FRUM BOXXY

This is what Catie said in the video FOAR LITTLE KINKY FRUM BOXXY:

[opening title]
Okay hi.  My name is Boxxy and um uh, did uh, did anyone else see that uh just now?  Because uh if you did, I’m pretty sure that if you have a working brain, you probably thought that that was amazing!
That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.
Um, and it-i-i-I-uh-uh, I honestly I have no words for once in my small life. Um, i-I have no words to to thank these people, because because they just messaged me one day and they were like, “Hey Boxxy we really love you,” and i was like “Ooh I love you too.”  And and they were like “we made an opening song for you,” and I was like, “WHAT?”  And that was it and I was like, “Oh my god.”  That’s amazing.  And um, their band name is Little Kinky.  And I know that most of you will be thinking, “Well that’s just provocative.”  We it’s not, so you, you just knock that off mister.
And um, and it was amazing. An-an-an-and you it’s uh so catchy, and it’s like [sings: do-ch-ch-do-do-do-do]
And i-it is so awesome!  And um so yeah and and we were like “You know, um we really really love you and and we really love your voice,” and I was like “I want to thank you.”
And um, and and they were like “you know, we we wrote some songs for you.”  And I said “For me?”  And they were like, “yeah for you to sing”  And I was like “I love to sing”  And and and and and and and it was it was awesome and so now, me, and little kinky, are going to be singing songs together.  And and this is just getting, this is just getting too seductive for my own good.
And eheh, um, a-and so uh, yeah, I mean, i-I’m so excited about it.  Um, and i-so you guys should you could check them out because they’re so talented and they’re so nice and wonderful and everything under the rainbow.
And and so everything you need to know about them is in the doobly-doo.  And they’re just you know some kids trying to make it, and and and I know that feel, bro.
And uh, a-this so yeah, I just I thought it was really great of them and nice of them to do what they did for me, and how could I not share something like that?  I think you should go watch it again because I’m going to okay?
Um, so yeah, um I love you all, um and uh, hopefully you’ll see me soon.  I love you, bye! Mmm-mmm! Aaah!

Subtitles to Crazy stalker kid Caleb Robertson

This is what was said in the video recorded by Caleb Robertson.

Here it is, the capital ComedySportz match. There’s word that B will be performing. And, right in that door, . . . [can’t understand] I’ll start taping once she comes on stage, wherever it is, and yeah.

I’m in. There’s word the queen will be performing. In uh, half an hour before the show starts. So, she’ll be performing in half an hour, and you’ll be proud.

One minute till starting time.

Okay, so Boxxy’s dad threatened to kill me and I was escorted out. So, yeah, sorry guys. Um, I’m quite a bit of fail. I was a-yeah Boxxy’s dad threatened to kill me, and I’m like “Oh yeah, well try it.” And he’s like “Fine,” and he got me escorted out. So, that sucks. So, yeah. It’s bullshit.

Ok, here is the aftermath. Um and then I was like, Boxxy’s dad…. [can’t understand]
Boxxy’s dad threatened to kill me, I was escorted out, and then I walked home and like, I think Boxxy’s dad followed me home, because there was some guy following me the whole way home. And I’m freaked out now. I don’t know what to do. So like yeah, yeah. I didn’t get a chance to yell and stuff but like yeah.
I, right after I got out my camera to tape her um, I… The guy threatened to kill me, if I didn’t put the camera down and stuff, and then like got into a little argument, and like, and then like, I don’t know, I got escorted out, and like he followed me home. And he said he’s going to kill me. I don’t know what I’m going to do because like, yeah, he followed home. I don’t think he knows exactly where I live, because I ran home and I didn’t see him when I got to my house, but like I don’t know.
Freaked me out, so yeah. [can’t understand the rest]

Subtitles to original An Amble in Powell Park with Chris n’ Dan

Subtitles to original An Amble in Powell Park with Chris n’ Dan:

C: Wha-what are – what are you doing?
D: I’m lost.  I’m like in the middle of the freaking woods. We’re never going to get out of here.  A road!
We’re saved.  Come on.  We’re almost out of here, Chris, come on.
C: Eh, screw that.

C: Let’s get out of here.
D: The hell?

Ow.  Should’ve put on some bug repellent.
Yeah, there’s a bug in my eye.
That’s cool.
Yeah.
How’d we get in a swamp anyway?
Uh, swamp’s like everywhere.
Yeah.  Alright.
Holy crap!
What, butterfly…
There’s copperhead rattlesnake.  The copperhead… no cophead snake right there in the water.  Do you see it by the edge?
My god.  Let’s get out of here.
Do you see that snake?
I SEE THE FREAKING SNAKE…
Take a picture of it.

Hey.
Oh man.
Hey.
20 minutes of walking out the swamp.
D: We encountered a copperhead rattlesnake.
C: Hey a bag!
D: Cool!
C: Oh, it’s empty.
D: Wanna go fight that lion?
C: [shrugs] Sure.
D: Okay.  Back we go.

D: Hey Chris…
C: Hmm?
D: There’s a playground right there.
C: Playground!
D: Go get it boy.  Go get the playground Chrissy.
C: Wee-ah.
D: such a happy child.
C: Ow.

D: Here we see the wild Chris Zambelis in his natural habitat, enjoying everything he sees around him, being all part of the natural ecosystem.
C: Boobies!  Boobies!
D: We hear his natural mating call.  Unfortunately no females are around.  Such an interesting creature.

D: Aw man, I forgot my wallet in there.
C: Aw.
D: I’m gonna… I’m gonna have to climb the fence to get it.  Door’s locked.
C: Uh Da- Daniel?
D: Naw I got it this time.
C: Uh, ee, …
D: Ow.  Man. My knee.
How’d – how did you get get over there?
C: Climbed the fence.
D: Damn!  You’re fast.
C: I’m Greek.
D: It’s true.

C: Behold the ever-crested butterfly, in it’s natural…
D: [smacks shoe near butterfly] Come back here you son of a b…
C: [laughs]

The right pine cone.  Nature’s dildo.
[laughs]
Deep.
Yeah.  Yeah…

C: And then I throw the pine cone at the tree.  You ready?
D: Right, I’m ready.
C: Watch this.  [throws pine cone]
D: Holy crap.
C: Plan worked.
D: Yes!

C: What… Whatcha doing Daniel?
D: I’m gonna climb this pole.
Oh, uh, shit, buh!

C: The pool is really gross.
D: Yeah it is.  Let’s go.
C: [weird grin]

[Dan dances across the street]

C: Div-ih-did high w…
D: Great, we’re lost.
C: We’re… yes.  Stoppe.  We’re in Stoppe.
D: Is that like in Europe?
C: I think?

C: Um, we’re in front of Hillary’s house.  We don’t know why.  D-Daniel, what-what are you doing?
D: I was going to pee on it.
C: Not today.  You want to just go sit on the bench and sing songs?

Both sing: We were sailing along, we were sailing along.

C: Boy this adventure sure was great, eh Daniel?
D: Sure was, Chris.  We wouldn’t have been able to make it without our friendship.
C: And boobs.
D: Yes.